THE FRUSTRATED WRITER

THE FRUSTRATED WRITER_Fotor  In the words of Ozzy Osborne… ”I am so tired…”

I have COPD, (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease). There, I said it! I’ve also survived Pneumonia, (TWICE!), have Osteoarthritis, Sleep Apnoea, Thrombophilia and a partridge in a pear tree… My hospital consultants lovingly refer to me as having “A Complex medical History”.

I’m not gonna rant on about chronic illness, I’m sure you hear enough about it, except to say that, for most of us, it isn’t going away and we have to lift up our collective chin’s and get on with it!

So why am I going on about it? Well a bit of background is necessary to understand what I am ‘going on about’ but I’ll try to be brief as I’m sure many of your cursors are hovering over the ‘X’ in the corner.

Anybody unfortunate enough to have been chosen to partner to one of these ‘invisible-to-the-naked-eye’ diseases, will understand how frustrating daily life can be.

After waking from a long, restless sleep, I take my morning medications and snooze off again until they ‘kick in’. I can then look at the realistic possibility of moving and attempting to arrange my day around how much energy I have and how much pain and discomfort I am in. This dictates how the rest of my day is going to go, especially my mood, which in turn suggests how much body armour those around me should consider putting on.

I’m like a phone that charges overnight to varying degrees depending upon the faulty power lead you’ve plugged into me, (ooer missus!). This gives me my ‘one shot’ for the day and when that’s run out, well, that’s simply it, I have to rest in a vain attempt to recharge again. As if this wasn’t enough, an idiosyncrasy of these diseases is that they drain your energy even when you are doing bugger all!

As a writer this raises some serious hurdles for me to get over. Given my non-existing financial resources, I have no choice but to do everything myself; writing, publishing, PR, updating many social media and publicity sites, along with my own, darrenscanlon.wordpress.com.

It’s not long before the batteries start draining and my mental focus starts clouding over, not to mention the fact that I have to turn up my background music to drown out the complaints from my aching joints. Yes, I have reached the point where, with a sigh of angry frustration, I have to throw in the towel and pack it all away for the day.

I often wonder how many others, maybe in similar circumstances, cope with similar frustrations and how they cope? My life-therapy has always been, along with music, the fact that I can pour out my soul onto a piece of paper.

After 30 years of hesitation, (lack-of-confidence, my life-long nemesis), I was cajoled into publishing my stuff by my dear sister. This opened up a whole new world of wonder for me and the ink started flowing faster than the fingers could keep up with. I have also, along the way, ‘met’ some great friends and fellow authors and poets, and I have loved every minute of it. Long may it all last!

Alas, as these weary years now roll on and my conditions advance, the vignette tinge of my ‘work window’ seems to be creeping relentlessly in on me and the amount of ‘stuff’ I can manage to complete and get out there, in addition to all the administrative requirements, is getting frustratingly less and less. If I ever lose the ability to wield my words…who knows…?

Until then, I shall don my favourite mask, (The Defiant Smile), lift up my chin(s) and get on with it!

To all of you wonderful friends and colleagues who are always there for me, and you know who you are; I offer my most deep and heartfelt thanks.

Right, the batteries are nearly flat so I’m gonna pack up and go harass and harangue my way through the halls of social media; I might even bump into a few of you there!

Keep Smiling!

D.

 

Written by Darren Scanlon, 11th February 2015.

©2015 Darren Scanlon. All rights reserved.

Image courtesy of:  creativewordworks.com

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14 Comments Add yours

  1. Would have loved to like your post, but alas I don’t have a WordPress account. Unfortunatley I am weary of everytime I want to appreciate something, I have to make an account!
    Consider it liked 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Siobhan 👍😊

      Like

  2. litebeing says:

    Hi Darren.
    I enjoyed reading about you and how you live with invisible illnesses. I have my share of these and a new one just arrived! I can relate to the excitement also that finally writing can bring.

    I am so glad you are following me and I applaud your honesty.

    peace and health to you,
    litebeing

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you my friend. Keep Smiling 😊

      D.

      Like

  3. joylennick says:

    Count me in as an admirer of your resilience and sense of humour, despite serious health issues. In the distant past, I had a few ‘blips,’ so appreciate good health. Interacting with like-minded people is so important, as is music. We, whose minds embrace all the arts, are lucky souls. To walk among the stars while earth-bound is a blessing. Walk on…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Joy.

      Your words mean so much to this sometimes tortured soul. As long as the ink flows in my veins I will continue to pour out the good and bad within my heart and soul.

      Keep Smiling 😊

      D.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Many more people than you realize partner with “invisible” illnesses and disabilities, I promise you. More than a few deal with the exhaustion of chronic body pain as well. We are quite a support system for one-another as we soldier on as best we can – better than the fortunate few would manage, were they forced to walk in our shoes. I have NO DOUBT about that!!

    Onward & upward! Keep on keepin’ on — it’s not the velocity, it’s the direction.
    xx,
    mgh
    (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
    – ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
    “It takes a village to transform a world!”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Madelyn.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. joylennick says:

    Hi Darren, I haven’t heard from you in a long time and do hope you are still, “healthily” plodding along, writing when you can. Thinking positively of you. With all best wishes. Joy

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks very much, Joy. I’m not too bad thanks. I’m going in for my second operation on 6th December so hopefully I will be much better in the new year. Hope you are well?

      Like

  6. joylennick says:

    Hi Darren, Checking the date…do hope you’ve had a successful operation and are now doing well? I bet you can’t wait to hold a pen in your hand again?! I’ve just adapted the autobiography of the grandfather (Fred Knight) of a friend. He was born in Kent in the late 1800’s, emigrated aged seventeen to become a ‘cowboy’ and instead became a farmer..in Canada. In WWI, he joined the 10th Canadian Infantry Unit and was nearly killed, eventually losing his right arm. He retrained, became an accountant, returned to Kent with wife and four sons; prospered, and at 83, typed his life story with a head device as he had developed Parkinsons disease. Quite a man!. The book’s called “From the Prairie to Passchendaele” (Amazon). Get well soon, Darren as I’m looking forward to seeing more of your poems. Have a healthy, happy Christmas. Very best wishes. Joy Lennick. .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That sounds wonderful, Joy. Sadly my operation was postponed until 13th December as there was no bed for me but hopefully by this time next week I will indeed be well on the road to recovery and just in time for xmas 😎 You look after yourself my friend and have a great Christmas 🎄🙂🙃

      Like

  7. joylennick says:

    What a damn nuisance, Darren! Do hope it goes ahead as rearranged and you recover in time to enjoy the Christmas festivities. Take care and all the very best of luck with the op and your aftercare. With affection. Joy xx

    Liked by 1 person

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